she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
