I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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