I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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