i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
