I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
