Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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