I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
