And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
