I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
