She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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