there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
