so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize