Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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