he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this boner is exhausting
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
