he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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