I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
