i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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