ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
