i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
