Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
