chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
