I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
