Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
