My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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