idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
