called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
