ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
