Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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