i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
