Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
