So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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