We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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