singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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