Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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