Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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