They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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