She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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