i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
