The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
