there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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