Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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