well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
