I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
