I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
