After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
