i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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