i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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