physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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