Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
