You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
