She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
