Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
