Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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