Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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