oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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