I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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