i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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