evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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