dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
