got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
