honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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