I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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