after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
