Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
