I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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