Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
