I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
