So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
