The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we made out on top of his cat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
