I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The best revenge is premature balding
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
