I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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