Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize