she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
