dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
