Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize